The agent was gracious and generous enough to respond and answer my questions. Not only that, she said she really liked my idea and said she would like to see it once I got in written. I was dancing around the house in glee! Now one would think that I would immediately write my book and submit it to her. Actually quite the opposite happened.
You see, right in that moment of time, I had a small success. Right then, "she liked me, she really liked me!" But what happened if I wrote the book and she found that my ideas were better than my writing. What if the initial idea was good, but my formulation wasn't. What if I got rejected? No, not me. If I just stopped right there, I could sit in the comfortable place of having a good idea without risking rejection.
I didn't even realize I was doing it, really, until I was emailing with a new blogger friend, Heaven (Yes, that's her real name) at Heaven's Journey. She said something that really hit home with me. She said:
When we are seeking acceptance and praise from others, it's because we are not able to receive our acceptance and praise from God alone. You can have "head" knowledge that God thinks you are great and loves you, but if you don't have the "heart" knowledge of really "knowing" God loves you, then you seek the acceptance and praise elsewhere. You always walk around with a hole in your heart, saying "fill me, make me whole, say something to make me believe that I'm worth it." The bad thing is that you can fill that hole up with praise from others, and ONE person comes along and says something negative, and it totally drains the hole that you just got filled up. You start ALL over.Now I know how much Jesus loves me, but I really want everyone else too also! But I can't count on that. I have to find my worth in Christ alone. So this week, I submitted my book query. It might get rejected, but it's okay because I took a step in faith. Because whether I'm the best writer or the worst writer (or somewhere in between) what matters most is Jesus loves me. And that is enough.
Accepted or rejected, I hope that when you look at me you see my faith shining through.
Psalm 27:1 -- The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? (NIV)
Matthew 10:29-31 -- Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (NIV)
Philippians 4:13 -- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (NKJ)