Friday, May 8, 2009

Fear of Rejection

As this year began, I was delusional excited as I began my goal to write a devotional book. I set the goal to write regularly. As I began working on my book, I hit a logistical snag. So I emailed a literary agent that I follow on blogger with my idea and questions.

The agent was gracious and generous enough to respond and answer my questions. Not only that, she said she really liked my idea and said she would like to see it once I got in written. I was dancing around the house in glee! Now one would think that I would immediately write my book and submit it to her. Actually quite the opposite happened.

You see, right in that moment of time, I had a small success. Right then, "she liked me, she really liked me!" But what happened if I wrote the book and she found that my ideas were better than my writing. What if the initial idea was good, but my formulation wasn't. What if I got rejected? No, not me. If I just stopped right there, I could sit in the comfortable place of having a good idea without risking rejection.

I didn't even realize I was doing it, really, until I was emailing with a new blogger friend, Heaven (Yes, that's her real name) at Heaven's Journey. She said something that really hit home with me. She said:

When we are seeking acceptance and praise from others, it's because we are not able to receive our acceptance and praise from God alone. You can have "head" knowledge that God thinks you are great and loves you, but if you don't have the "heart" knowledge of really "knowing" God loves you, then you seek the acceptance and praise elsewhere. You always walk around with a hole in your heart, saying "fill me, make me whole, say something to make me believe that I'm worth it." The bad thing is that you can fill that hole up with praise from others, and ONE person comes along and says something negative, and it totally drains the hole that you just got filled up. You start ALL over.
Now I know how much Jesus loves me, but I really want everyone else too also! But I can't count on that. I have to find my worth in Christ alone. So this week, I submitted my book query. It might get rejected, but it's okay because I took a step in faith. Because whether I'm the best writer or the worst writer (or somewhere in between) what matters most is Jesus loves me. And that is enough.

Accepted or rejected, I hope that when you look at me you see my faith shining through.

Psalm 27:1 -- The LORD is my light and my salvation— whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life— of whom shall I be afraid? (NIV)

Matthew 10:29-31 -- Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (NIV)

Philippians 4:13 -- I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (NKJ)

Chatty Kelly


Jennifer Shirk said...

Great post!

That's right! His grace is always sufficient. :)

Melanie said...


God's girl said...

It was worth the wait:) Praise God for His revelations, or words would simply be just words:) Proud of you, and praying for you!

Love ya!

Joy in The Truth said...

He is the ONE THING! :)

(emphasis added)

ONE THING I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek Him in His temple." Psalm 27:4

"...but only ONE THING is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." Luke 10:42

Praying over you and your book proposal! :) May His will and purposes be accomplished through you, His willing vessel! :)
Excited to see what He will do!

1 Cor. 2:1-5
"When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God.For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, 5so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power."

And glad God gave you a little "Heaven" on earth in a good bloggy friend! :)

Happy Mother's Day!

LisaShaw said...

As one who LIVED a life of FEAR from the abuse and rejection in my childhood all the way into the FEAR THAT GRIP ME AS AN ADULT...I understand FEAR especially FEAR OF FAILURE, FEAR OF REJECTION and even FEAR OF SUCCESS.


I so agree with your friend because it's something I teach and minister on often as it's something I've LIVED.

Fear can absolutely paralyze us if we don't release and walk in GOD's love, power and purpose for in HIM there is NO FEAR. Glory to God.

I'm praying with you dear sister. I'm excited about all that GOD is doing in your life Kelly! You are a free spirited loving woman who is hungry for GOD that is what keeps me coming back to your blog.

I'm honored that GOD has drawn my heart to yours. Love ya.

B His Girl said...

I'm so proud of you Kelly.(Not that it matters whether I am proud or not:) You moved forward. So many times I do something in obedience and I try to measure the results. If it does not meet MY expectations, I have been known to be disappointed. God is breaking me of that. Our expectations can only be in HIM ALONE. He has given you something to say. I know He will use it in all kind of ways. May God give you wisdom as you move forward walking by faith, not fearing man's opinion. He will use your gift. He already is :) I know He is smiling with each step you take. After all, He ordered them. Onward! Blessings, B

Bonita said...

Go get em tiger! I'm so proud of you for stepping out in faith!

KelliGirl said...

Such a great post. It really hits home. The words of your friend were wise, indeed. I know them to be true, but it's the believing into the depths of my soul that Jesus is enough—no matter what others say (or don't say)—is such a struggle.

Hooray for finishing your book query! Now the waiting begins.


Sue J. said...

And that you are serving Him through what you do! He knows that you are writing to spread His Word. How He will accomplish that through you is what you must wait on and watch for every day. Continue to be faithful to Him--despite the ways of the publishers, who answer to the whims of the marketed. "He who started the work will be faithful to complete it in you...."

My ADHD Me said...

That was good advise. Something you and I should take to heart.

You submitted??? HURRAY!!

Regardless of whether you are accepted or rejected, you should be proud of yourself. I know I am!

Mrs. Sidney said...

I can't tell you how much this has touched my heart today. I, too have been seeking the acceptance and approval from others when all I need is His love and acceptance... *sigh* and he accepts me for who I am no more and no less.

Thanks you!! I will keep you in my prayers and good luck on your book.

Tammy said...

Do you read minds 'cuz you read mine. (giggle)

I know what your taking about. Love the feeling of "yea,they like me" but its that next step that I get stuck in.

I love your writing and in God's time it will happen.
Praying for you,

Leslie said...

Yes "Sally Field", we like you; we really, really like you!! But all of us do need to remember that God is the only one who can truly fill us and love us like no one else can.

I'll be praying for your book query! Prior to teaching, I tried to get published as a children's author but had many rejections. I decided it just wasn't the right time in my life for it because my kids were so young and still needed me. With my blog, I think I've written more in the last 2 months than I have written in about 7 years. I'm finally feeling God's blessing regarding writing.

Wishing you a beautiful Mothers' Day!

Carol said...

Girl, I'm with you on this one. That is one of the hardest things about writing - rejection. You have to develop tough skin. I'm still working on it. Can't wait to hear about the book.

Blasé said...

Even if this particular person thinks you're the greatest thing since 'Zip-Lock'...that doesn't mean you are.. just as much as if she dislikes you means that you are not worth liking/likeable/talented.

Opinions are subjective. I know what I'm good at, and what I'm not so good at. And it doesn't matter to me what someone says...

Bottom line, God views me with acceptance no matter what.

Carmen Gamble said...

I'd still be excited if I were you. Sounds like a blessing from God! Congratulations on the submission...I hope to see it in print one day soon!

Irritable Mother said...

Indeed, Heaven speaks Truth!
And haven't we all been there? Filled up with the praises of men and then one little negative comment DRAINS it all. But when I have my eyes fixed upon Jesus, when I am listening to and focused upon His acceptance of me, that little negative comment cannot begin to drain what He has filled!

Yea for you for finishing the writing and submitting!

Julie Gillies said...

Hi Kelly,

Heaven is so right! (And what a name, huh?) :)

I immediately thought of this scripture as I raed your post: "I receive not glory from men [I crave no human honor, I look for no mortal fame]," John 5:41 (Amplified Bible) When we received our deepest needs, such as being accepted and valued and unconditionally loved from the Lord, what others think really doesn't even begin to compare.

P.S. I'm still glad that you received good feedback. Praying success for your writing this year, Kelly.

Kay Martin said...

Well judging from the number of comments you've hit a nerve with all of us. I remember when I did all I could to be accepted and liked and understood by everyone. I was a mess. Once I got it! It being; that when I know God loves me; all is well and if anyone likes me that is delightful. But the main thing in all things is to please God and to be authentically ME.

Love your stories!!! Happy Mother's Day.

LisaShaw said...

Came back over sweet sister to wish you a day filled with the LOVE AND JOY OF JESUS that pours through your family to you! Happy Mother's Day.

Edie said...

Hey Kelly. I have always known that you and are very much the same it this area. I know how hard it was to take that step and how good it feels to have taken it. And that it's a decision that has to be made over and over. I'm proud of you and I know that Christ is too.

Finding that worth in Him, and embedding it into the heart is not always easy. Struggling with you my friend. :)

Hope you are having a Happy Mother's Day.

Love you!

Edie said...

LOL. That's supposed to say "you and I". :)

Jess said...

kelly -

you're a gift to me...i wish i could say it better...


p.s. thanks for understanding about my mom...sigh. probably one of the only people who can.... :)

Susan said...

You're right. So right! I have to say though, writing a book is absolutely one of the MOST vulnerable things you'll ever do. You'll love it at first, but there will always be things that you want to change around. It's hard to get it on paper.

The Patterson 5 said...

Great message for all of us people pleasers out there! Thanks for keeping us focused on the One we should be pleasing! May God continue to use you to spread His word to the world!

Miss Sandy said...

Wow, thank you for sharing these beautiful words of wisdom! Praying your book is well received and published!

Beverlydru said...

I know EXACTLY what you mean with going into paralysis mode for fear of rejection. Rejection hurts. But it's only a sting. And boy oh boy does Jesus know what it feels like. I'm amazed that he really KNOWS how we feel and can truly comfort us. I'll pray over this project!