Monday, May 12, 2008

Mother's Day

Mother's Day is a tough day for me. I am truly blessed with 2 wonderful girls and I try to focus on that, but I can't help but think about my own mom and the pain associated with that.

I grew up in a home with an alcoholic, mentally ill mother. It was a very painful childhood filled with fear and shame. And even as an adult, the pain and abuse continued until I finally had to end the relationship.

As I am trying to focus on my writing career, I recently entered a "mother's day haiku contest." Most of the 5-7-5 syllable Japanese poems spoke in glowing terms of their mothers. Mine, not surprisingly, did not win. It said:

I can forgive you
for the alcoholism
but I can't forget

Now, it certainly evoked emotion which good writing does, but none the less, it was not a "winner." Not the hearts and flowers and little butterflies that Mother's Day is supposed to evoke, but does not to me, or my sisters and brother.

In Mark 3:31-34, Jesus is preaching and his mother and brothers want him to stop preaching and come outside with him. The story says "Then Jesus' mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you." "Who are my mother and my brothers?" he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God's will is my brother and sister and mother."

Thank YOU my precious "brother and sister and mother" blog readers and friends who support me. And if you, like me, do not have a relationship with your mother for any reason, we do not need to mourn, for we have the Perfect Parent in our heavenly Father, the perfect family in Christ Jesus. And we have each other, sisters in Christ. Praise God!


Anonymous said...

I understand. Believe me, I do. No butterflies, no hearts, no flowers. We (you and I) are both blessed with 2 wonderful children and even though we struggle to be a great mom we often worry about being like "her". That, my friend and sister, will not happen. Even though we can never say "My child will never do...(fill in the blank). Or "My child will never behave in "that way"...(fill in the blank). We CAN say, that WE (you and I and everyone else that struggles with this same problem) WILL NEVER abandon our children. We will NEVER be truely hateful to them and WE WILL ALWAYS love them unconditionally. So you see, that is what we have learned from our mother. We have learned what NOT to do. We can thank her for teaching us what not to do. And we also can pray to God to help us focus on being the best moms that we can possibly be. Sometimes I go overboard and do too much for my kids. You see, I am so afraid of being like her that I sometimes take it to the extreme opposite. That is also unhealthy for us and our children. "God, help us find that middle ground". Also, "Thank you God that we are blessed not only with our children but for our family of friends that are also our "sisters, brothers and mothers". We are also blessed with our actual sisters. Without our mom, we would never have each other. I received a Mother's Day card yesterday from my oldest son. It is the first time that he used his own money and bought me a card. To those of you that don't know, I worry about him constantly (I suppose that is my job as a mom). He has always shown me love and respect but he cannot get along with his all, His hair is way too long, he plays in a band (with the kind of music I doubt many of you have never even heard of), he got into some trouble last year (nothing awful) but enough to make him realize that there are consequences for actions and for a while his grades at school were well below average (he's doing much better there now also) Anyway, he has turned himself around and seems to be on the right track now. As he is a 17 year old teenager, chances are high that there will be other problems and mistakes, after all, he is a teenager, he is human, and he does have his mom's persnality when it comes to not always thinking before acting, but I'll always love him unconditionally. This is the card he bought for me:
"Mom, you taught me that you don't always have to understand me or agree with my decisions, in order to love me. (open card) You showed me how to choose my own path, and to be my own person, and I am So thankful for that.Happy Mother's Day. I Love You".
So you see, that is what they want. That is what they need. That is what we wanted and needed too. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Maybe we didn't get that, but we surely learned how to give it. Maybe we learned it because we needed it and didn't get it but that doesn't matter, what matters is that we DID learn it. Not only with our children but with each other----after all, you and I are night and day....but we love each other....unconditionally.
God Bless You and Happy Mother's Day.

Alyce said...

Wow, Kelly. I am so very sorry that your relationship with your mother is strained..but have peace, which I am sure you do, in knowing that God brings good out of every trial. I am sure you have learned through your experience the kind of mother TO be.
My mom and I didn't really get along when I was younger..I was a stubborn kid, she was a working mom, whom I thought never listened to me. It wasn't until I was married and started a family of my own that we've become great friends. Don't know what I'd do w/out her. I have learned things to about parenting..and that I will ALWAYS listen to my girls and want them to know that they can come to me and their daddy about ANYTHING.

The Patterson 5 said...

Many hugs to you. I am so glad you are in my family! My family in Christ! You go sister!

Bonita said...

I'm so sorry that you had such a difficult relationship with your mother. All I can say is that she miseed out royally and I'm sure she knows that somewhere deep inside. Thank God you are turning the tide and showing your girls what a real mom's love is all about. And crafts have nothing to do with that, my friend!